Time Slipped by Us
by MandyShepard
Summary: Its been seven years since the end of the Reaper War, since she almost died. It had been seven years since the loss of Kaidan. It took a lot for Shepard to move on with her life, but that's what she did. She has a home, a husband and a child. Little did she realise that someone was fighting like hell for the chance to hold her again, hoping she'd be waiting like she'd promised him
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **_This has taken me ages to get up here as it has totally got away from me and has been a bit of a challenge. I'm breaking my rule of not posting until its finished, but the three people who talked me into writing this have waited long enough. I'm hoping that this will kick my butt and get me writing quicker. I blame the fact that I have now discovered 3D rendering and I have a Shepard and Kaidan model (heheheheee). If you want to see whats been distracting me take a look at my tumblr page (link on my profile) and click 'XNALara renders'_

_This will be my longest story to date as it's already equal to my largest and I'm no way near done._

_Big thanks to Gracie21 for being a fab beta and fixing my poop grammar. :)_

_Anyways hope you enjoy the Chapter._

* * *

**Chapter One**

_"I hold you in my heart, I feel you in my_

_dreams; and I know that you'll always_

_and forever be with me. Even if you never come home."_

_Anonymous_

**09.21.2193 - Earth - Vancouver **

Shepard stood gazing at the memorial wall in central Vancouver. The black granite monolith seemed to absorb all the light, giving off no reflection even on this warm, sunny Saturday.

She reached out and gingerly ran her fingers over the cool stone as she walked along its length. She knew by heart where the name she was looking for was carved, and she made her way there with barely an upward glance. She had stood in front of his name innumerable times in the last 6 years, tracing the letters with her finger as she spoke to him, hoping he could feel her touch wherever he was now.

Sometimes she'd tell him about her day, the trivial little things she'd done, or things he would have laughed at. Sometimes she'd talk about things she'd heard, things that had pissed her off or not gone her way. In the early days she'd cry and tell him how much she missed his touch, his voice, his smell. She'd blame herself for putting him on that ship and sending him away. She'd blame him for not fighting hard enough to get back to her, for leaving her alone. Those kinds of days happened less often now, but she still felt his absence. Felt the pain of him not being there, like an amputee who still feels a phantom itch from a limb long gone.

She'd promised she'd be waiting for him, he'd promised to fight like hell to hold her again. But in the end, those promises had proved impossible to keep.

She'd lain in the ruins of the Citadel for three days, slowly bleeding to death, feeling like her ravaged broken body was on fire, like liquid iron was running through her veins and spilling onto the floor. It had taken everything she had to hang on to life, and all on the promise of him finding her and saving her. As delirium set in she thought she heard him, saw him. His beautiful warm eyes. His full lips. The strong angle of his jaw. The straight line of his nose. By that point she had been unable to differentiate between her dreams and the cold hard reality she faced. She was dying.

In the end it had been just some random, un-named Alliance soldier who found her. A hairs breath away from death, soaked in her own blood, and lost deep in the dark pool of unconsciousness.

She had woken up in a ramshackle hospital four weeks later, exhausted and in unbelievable pain. The whir of medical equipment was strangely reassuring, the multitude of dressings on her raw flesh and the tubes that seemed to come from all over her body was not so. She felt artificial, synthetic like she shouldn't be alive. For one brief moment she panicked, worried that she had taken the wrong path, chosen to fuse all synthetics with organics, something she could never do.

By week three she was slowly coming fully back to the world, her bouts of lucidity lasting for most of the day, but still people refused to talk to her about the Normandy and its crew. Whenever she asked the medical staff exchanged glances and changed the subject; more often than not they excused themselves and hurried out of the room. It was starting to drive her crazy, didn't they realise not knowing was worse than anything else?

Eventually, when her brittle patience was at breaking point she'd started refusing to co-operate with the medical staff. When this yielded no results she snapped, ripped out her tubes and climbed shakily out of her bed. She was startled to discover two Alliance officers guarding her room. They tried to contain her, but even in her fragile physical state her biotics were still more than a match for them. She was determined to get out of the hospital and get some damn answers one way or another.

With her body still battered and broken she hadn't even made it three steps down the hall before she passed out from the pain and exertion of her would-be escape.

She awoke later that day to find her legs newly immobilised by medical supports and felt the unmistakable numbing wave of strong pain relief. She had clearly done more damage to herself and all for nothing. She sighed, turning to gaze out of the small dusty window by her bed and was surprised to see Hackett standing there, his hands clasped behind his back, looking out at the devastation that was London. When he turned to face her, her heart stopped. She'd never forget the look on his face as he delivered the news; his voice softer then she had ever heard it.

The Normandy along with several other vessels had been caught up in the energy wave following the firing of the Crucible. When the wave had hit, the Turian dreadnought Shastinasio suffered a catastrophic systems failure and collided with the Normandy. The SSV Orizaba had reported the loss of both vessels and all souls aboard. No pods were jettisoned; there simply wasn't enough time for an evacuation.

Hackett had rushed for the nurses when she had leant over the rail of her bed and been violently sick. By the time he came back with a nurse, she was sobbing uncontrollably, cradling her head. Her hands balled into fists so tight her knuckles popped and her nails drew blood. The unbearable sense of loss tore through her like a jagged blade through her chest. She'd felt this kind of pain before, 17 years ago, on Mindoir and, as it had happened then, she felt the biting flow of dark energy charging through her body as she lost her grip and her biotics flared wildly. Everything in the room began to rattle and the air became thick with static and the unmistakable smell of ozone. By the time they managed to get close enough to give her a sedative the windows began to crack and her nose began to bleed profusely. The shot worked fast but it didn't stop her dreams of Kaidan being spaced. She'd lived through it, she knew how it felt to breathe in nothing. She would never forget the fire and crushing pressure in her lungs, the pain and the fear that consumed her as she tumbled through the vacuum to her death.

She gave up her fight after that day, what was the point. He had been her main driving force for so long. It was him she fought for, for the future they both saw in each others eyes. Now that future was gone, it had died along side of him, she had nothing left. Kaidan was her home, her centre, and she had lost him. She was alone.

But as is always the way, life eventually gave her other things to fight for, other reasons to keep going.

* * *

"Mumma?" A small hand tugged at her jacket, drawing her attention away from the name on the wall.

She bent down and scooped up her daughter, planting a kiss in her soft, dark curls. Holding her tightly, Shepard looked into her innocent blue eyes, a carbon copy of her own and smiled as Kaila began to wind her fingers into her mother's long silky hair.

"Can we have pancakes now?" she cooed.

"Pancakes?" Shepard cocked her head, "I thought we were having ice cream?"

Kaila crossed her arms across her chest and scowled, looking so much like her mother. "Daddy wouldn't stop talking about pancakes, now I really want one."

Shepard laughed at the annoyed look on her daughters face. Kaila had her heart set on an ice cream sundae when they left the house and, as usual, Reese seemed to have managed to change her mind by sheer persistence and downright annoyance.

He'd used the same tactic on Shepard many times in the past. It was how he had eventually convinced her to go out on a date with him, as she had started to pull her life together after the loss of Kaidan.

She thought at times it was also how he got her to eventually fall in love with him too. He was tenacious, never gave up no matter how appallingly she had treated him. Once he set his mind to something he was a damn near unstoppable juggernaut. You either jumped on board or got dragged under the wheels. That's probably what made him such an impressive N7.

She also suspected it was why Hackett had chosen him to work along side her setting up the new N7 training program back in Vancouver when she had returned to active duty. There would be no way for her to ride roughshod over him, blustering her way to how she wanted things. They made a pretty strong and surprisingly effective team.

Of course she had hated his guts for the first year at least. He was arrogant, big headed, childish and antagonistic; things she was not used to dealing with. Her title and reputation meant people usually treated her with respect and yes, sometimes awe. Reese on the other hand drove her completely insane and looking back, counter intuitive as it seemed, he kept her sane at the same time. He grounded her in a way she never would have expected.

When they had first been introduced she had been a well spring of undirected anger, still completely caught up in her grief. He gave her something to direct her anger at, allowing her to vent instead of keeping her toxic emotions bottled up inside to fester and slowly poison what was left of her tattered heart. He had bludgeoned his way in and everyone admitted, they worked well as a couple. He may not have been what she wanted, but he was what she needed.

Shepard kissed the tip of Kaila's nose. "I say we order Daddy a salad, what do you think?" Kaila giggled and pressed her hands to her mouth nodding with glee.

Shepard turned back to the wall and smiled sadly, "Happy Birthday, Kaidan." She placed her finger tips to her mouth, kissed them, and gently pressed them against his name.

Before she had time to turn, Kaila mimicked her actions and pressed her own tiny fingers against Kaidan's name. Shepard's heart clenched and her eyes filled with tears as she set Kaila down. She watched her skip back to the Reese, sitting on the hood of their transport shuttle, twisting his wedding ring as he watched the shuttles overhead.

She turned back to the wall. "I'm still in love with you, ya know? I think I always will be. God, I'd give almost anything to be able to tell you that right now."

She placed her palm over his name once more, feeling the sharp indents of the carved lettering against her skin. With a heart weary sigh, she turned and walked back to her daughter and husband, playfully chasing each other around the shuttle.

* * *

**09.21.2193 - Far side of Euler, Arcturus Stream - Normandy**

"Major Alenko?"

Kaidan was so lost in his thoughts that Traynor's voice startled him, making him slop his whiskey. He cursed under his breath, wiping at his trousers. That one glassful was all he had left. His special treat to himself on his birthday.

"Go ahead Traynor."

"Could I see you for a moment in the CIC?"

"What's the situation?" He closed his eyes, rolling his head on his shoulders. He'd only just come off duty 20 minutes ago, hadn't even changed out of his fatigues.

There was a brief pause. "Its ...easier if I show you, sir."

"I'm on my way." He threw back the remains of the whiskey, closing his eyes to savour the warmth that spread though his body.

Rising to his feet, he set the glass down on the desk before him and brought up the vid wall controls on the console. Just as he was about to close down the slideshow, the image changed. Kaidan paused, his fingers lingering limply over the controls staring at the image before him.

The man in the image was nothing like the man he saw in the mirror every morning. He was six years older now but that wasn't what made him unrecognisable. The man in the image was smirking like an idiot, winking at the camera like a cat that got the cream, his eyes alive with joy. He had one arm outstretched taking the picture, the other wrapped around the woman he loved. Her slender yet muscular arms were wrapped around his bare torso. She was pressing her full lips to cheek, her eyes squeezed shut. He had taken it the morning after their date at Apollo's, the day that they couldn't stop smiling, even with the galaxy crashing down around them.

He instinctively brought the N7 hoodie he held in his hand up to his face and inhaled deeply. Her smell had long since faded, but the familiar brush of the soft fabric against his skin was comforting.

Was she out here, somewhere, looking for him? Was she even alive?

The last time he had seen her, she was sprinting across the battlefield towards the beam. He'd only just been brought in to the med bay and was being tended to by Chakwas when Major Coates' gruff voice had come over the radio, proclaiming that Hammer team had been decimated, no survivors.

He'd leapt off the table in a panic and hit the deck hard, his wounded leg unable to support him. They'd tried to calm him down but he was blind with grief and guilt. He never should have left her. Oh god... he'd lost her again. He crumpled to the floor, a howling wreck as that realisation hit him. He'd lived through this once; he couldn't live through it again.

He felt Chakwas wrap her arms around him, felt her warm tears mingling with his own. He buried his face into her shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably as she rocked him gently. He didn't feel the sedative being injected; every part of him was taken up with replaying their last moments together.

**_No matter what happens... Know that I love you, always._**

He awoke hours later to the unmistakable caustic smell of burning electrics. Garrus placed a hand on his bandaged shoulder gently. The Turian told him that she'd made it to the beam and fired the crucible. She'd done it, the Reapers were dead, they'd won the War.

Kaidan let out a half laugh that was closer to a sob and drew in a deep breath. She had made it to the beam. He should have known better than to doubt her. This was the woman who had head butted a Krogan, taken down a Thresher Maw on foot, survived a fatal poisoning. Even death couldn't best her, she was unstoppable, unbeatable. The wave of relief that crashed over him was so immense it actually made him feel even more light headed than he already was, thanks to the now fading sedative. He closed his eyes tightly and took a few calming breaths before asking if she had made it out or the Citadel ok? How quickly could they get back?

Garrus had lowered his head, his mandibles twitching as a look of anguish flickered across his eyes. Kaidan sat up and grabbed the t-shirt Chakwas had set out for him. He winced as he pulled the t-shirt over his head, swinging his legs round over the edge of the bed. When Garrus didn't answer, Kaidan turned to look at him. That's when he realised something had gone wrong.

Over the Turian's shoulder he could see the mess hall through he med bay window. It looked like a bomb site. Wires were hanging from the ceiling; panels were sparking and crackling fiercely. There were heavy scorch marks across some sections of the floor and walls. It was an unnerving sight. Kaidan couldn't help but replay a scene from his past. Rushing through the mess hall, a siren blaring as the SR1 was rocked by a series of violent and destructive explosions. He'd felt the icy chill of panic on that day too, as his eyes darted back and forth frantically searching for her in the chaos. He shook off the memory and limped carefully out of the med bay to further survey the scene.

The damage thankfully didn't appear to be structural; he didn't much fancy being spaced. It was at that point he realised that the constant hum of the drive core was missing, as was the slight feeling of inertia he was accustomed too after years serving on frigates. They had made an emergency landing, but where? Kaidan walked tentatively into the mess hall and for the first time he noticed Engineer Adams near the ships battery. He had several panels off the wall completely and was surrounded by wires and burnt out components. They weren't getting back to the Citadel anytime soon.

* * *

Kaidan was never more please to be serving with some of the finest engineers in the galaxy. They had the Normandy flight ready in a little over a month. The QEC system however was a different story, their COM system was irreparably damaged, they had no way to call for help, no way to contact Earth. But worst of all, no way to find out if Shepard was alive. Their only hope was that they came across a working relay.

It had taken them over six years to get to this far, but they were still no where near the Sol System. The tension on the ship was palpable each time they neared a Mass Relay, hoping to find it intact and functional. But each time they had found the same thing. No energy signals. The spinning gyroscopes in the heart of the relay lay dead or broken, shattered as the crucibles energy wave overloaded the systems.

They had passed three secondary relays in the last six years, all of them in exactly the same condition. He was beginning to lose hope. If all the relays were in the same state he estimated it would take them around forty two years to get back to the Earth using only FTL. He'd be 84 before he'd find out her fate. If she was alive, he'd be an old man when he saw her again, if he lived that long. What kind of life could they have then? So much time had already slipped by them. So many years wasted.

Kaidan shook his head, hit the button to shut down the Vid wall and turned to leave the cabin.

As he made his way down to deck two he tried to push aside his negative thoughts. He was in command of this vessel. He had to be strong for the crew; he had to be as much the immovable centre that Shepard had been if he wanted to keep them sane as they crawled through space.

The lift doors slid open and his hard expression of command softened and melted into a warm smile as he took in the sight before him.

"Happy Birthday, Major!" Garrus crowed as he stepped forward and clapped Kaidan firmly on the back.

Most of the crew had gathered around the galaxy map. They had fashioned a birthday banner and some people even wore bizarre home made party hats.

James stood proudly in the centre of the crowd, holding a cake he must have baked himself and was clearly very pleased with.

Traynor and Liara stood side by side throwing handfuls of torn paper as make shift confetti over everyone. Even Joker had left his seat for once and joined in. He limped forward and handed Kaidan a tumbler or pink liquid. Kaidan sniffed the liquid apprehensively and flinched.

"Moonshine, Joker? Seriously?"

Joker produced a bottle of the same liquid form behind his back. The home made label read, 'Jokers Special Brew'. He handed it with a flourish to Kaidan.

"Happy Birthday, buddy."

Kaidan shook his head and took a small swig of the 'Brew' and almost dropped the glass and bottle in the resulting coughing fit. It was like drinking liquid eezo, god knows what it was doing to his insides. This stuff could probably make a man go blind.

Garrus clapped him on the back again trying to help. "I believe the human phrase is 'Puts hairs on your ass', right?"

Kaidan laughed and started coughing again, his eyes streaming.

Tali appeared by Garrus's side, wrapping her arm around his narrow waist. "Chest, Garrus. The phrase is put's hairs on your chest."

"Well... you get my point." He shrugged.

Joker shook his head and turned back to Kaidan. "Next year, you're gonna get the best present." Kaidan looked at him quizzically. "This time next year we'll be back on Earth."

The room suddenly grew quiet and all eyes fell on them as Joker continued.

"In a little under a year we should be at our first Primary Relay at Arcturus. I figure the Primaries will be fixed first right? So fingers crossed it'll be up and running by the time we get there. You do know what the Arcturus Relay is linked directly to right?" He paused for dramatic effect. "The Charon relay! We should be back on Earth just days after that; I mean Pluto is just around the corner. WE'RE COMING HOME!" he shouted and his outburst was met with a round of spontaneous applause.

Kaidan joined in, he knew the odds weren't good but it was something to hold on to, and it was good to see the crew in such high spirits.

_I'm coming baby. I'm fighting to get back to you, just like I promised._


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Thanks so much for the reviews, favourites and follows for Chapter One. Each and every one of them make my day, you are all awesome!

So here is Chapter Two and once again thanks to my wonderful beta Gracie21, who fixes my boo boo's and give me smiley faces and feedback.

Again just want to say sorry for the long delays in this fic, real life drama gets in the way of shenko drama and wipe me out but I'm still going, just not as quick as normal

Hope you all enjoy! (well as much as you can enjoy angst)

* * *

Chapter Two

"_And all my days are trances,_

_And all my nightly dreams_

_Are where thy grey eye glances,_

_And where thy footstep gleams"_

_To One in Paradise ~ Edgar Allan Poe_

**08-25-2194 - Earth - Vancouver **

Shepard frowned as she checked Kaila's little blue suitcase for the fifth time.

"Woman, step away from that damn suitcase before I kill you!" Reese grabbed her by the shoulders, moving her to the side, and zipped the case that was emblazoned with a cartoon character from Kaila's favourite TV show.

"I just need to check..."

"You've checked it a hundred times already." He turned to cradle her concerned face. "We haven't forgotten anything. I know you're going to miss her, but so am I. It's our anniversary and I want you all to myself, Sparky." He kissed her gently, feeling her frown against his lips.

She hated it when he called her that, which of course was why he always did. He'd given her the name when she had momentarily flared during a heated argument two months into training their first batch of N7 recruits. She'd wanted to slam his smug, handsome face into the ground. The only thing stopping her was the crowd of onlooking N7 recruits. They were gathered around, trying to pretend they weren't watching them have their heated discussion, behind the sound proof glass of the firing range.

"This will be the longest she's even gone without either of us there. What if she gets upset or scared?"

Kaila wondered into there bedroom in her onesie, dragging her plush Hanar toy by one pink tentacle, rubbing her tired eyes. It was still dark outside, but they had to catch an early transport.

Reese bounced around Shepard and scooped Kaila up. He tossed her into the air and caught her deftly, eliciting a squeal of delight. Once he had her back in his arms he peppered her face with loud dramatic kisses. Shepard smiled and shook her head. Immature pain in the ass that he was, he'd turned out to be a natural father.

"How you feeling about spending a week at Nanna's, kiddo?"

Kaila smiled broadly "Nanna is gonna take me to the ak...akqui... ak-qui-lairium." she stumbled over the large word, "and I'm gonna feed the fishies!"

"Its Aquarium, kiddo and that sounds pretty awesome." She nodded enthusiastically at him.

"We're gonna ride horses too and watch cartoons!" She lent forward and whispered loudly into Reese's ear "Grampy says he's going to buy lots of treats but not to tell Mumma... It's a secret." She pressed one pudgy finger against Reese's lips and he winked at her conspiratorially.

"Wow, you are going to have an amazing time! You wanna stay for two weeks?"

"REESE!" Shepard barked disapprovingly.

He flinched and grimaced at Kaila who laughed. "One week only, no wild parties, brush your teeth every night and no boys after 7pm!"

Shepard groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Ok Daddy. Can I have Cheerio's for breakfast?"

"Sure, go sit at the table and I'll be right there." He set her gently down and she skipped out of the room, Hanar in tow.

"See, she's fine. She's gonna have a great time, she won't even notice we're gone." He drew her into an embrace and she buried her face into his broad chest, letting out a weary sigh. He was right, she knew he was. She was still going to worry though, that's what Mother's do.

He tilted her face to meet his with a gentle nudge under her chin and kissed her. He was so much taller than she was that he had to stoop. It was meant to be a chaste kiss, but when his lips met hers they were slightly parted and he couldn't help but deepen the kiss. His hand slid down to rest on her backside and pulled her body flush with his. Her fingers brushed through his unkempt, way to long, dark blond hair as the near constant stubble on his face, scratched her chin.

"DADDY!"

Reese sighed against Shepard's mouth, his shoulders slumping. When he pulled back his pale blue eyes were stormy and dark, filled with longing.

"To be continued." His tone was determined. As he walked out of the room he pulled up his hoodie just enough to expose his backside as he swaggered. When he reached the door he shot her a blue steel pout over his shoulder and slapped his own backside. She couldn't help but laugh at him, her hand covering her mouth.

Shepard turned back to the bed and surveyed the luggage laid out. Reese's bag had been hastily packed. The clothes had been rammed in with no care or attention. Her bag was the complete opposite. Each item had been fastidiously folded, and neatly packed into place. She smiled at her bag, it wasn't always like this. She used to be a messy packer like Reese.

_The sun was hanging low in the sky casting long dramatic shadows across the rented suite. Shepard sat cross legged on the end of the bed watching Kaidan's back as he packed his bag, dutifully folding his clothes. She glanced at her own bag on the floor before her, scrunched up clothes prevented it from closing properly. It had taken her around 30 seconds to pack her belongings into the Alliance issue duffel bag._

"_You know we do have a few hours until__we have to leave for the transport station. We could be squeezing the last little bit of fun out of our shore leave." She cocked her head to the side, mesmerised by the curve of his backside._

"_Just let me finish packing first." _

_She watched him with exasperation as he precisely__folded his boxer briefs. Unhappy with the end result he unfolded them and started again._

"_Urrrrrgh, at this rate, you won't even be finished in time to make it to the shuttle!" she huffed crossing her arms._

"_Patience."_

_Shepard rolls her eyes; one thing she was not known for was patience. She wanted Kaidan now, and she would have him, come hell or high water._

"_Lieutenant Alenko, I ORDER you to put those briefs down, get your sexy ass over here, take off all your clothes and do VERY un-chivalrous things to me."_

_Kaidan chuckled to himself. "Need I remind you that when we got here, we made a deal to leave our ranks outside the door? With that in mind…. You're just gonna have to wait, baby."_

_With a frustrated growl Shepard got up and strode across the room, practically stomping her feet and yanked open the door. Kaidan turned startled, thinking she was storming out on him in a rage. When both feet were across the fresh hold she spun on her heels and repeated the order from outside the door._

_Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Very funny." And with that he turned back to his packing, feeling, frankly, quite flattered that she obviously wanted him so badly. He quite liked standing up to her, it made him feel empowered._

_Shepard stepped back into the room, closed the door, and dropped dramatically back onto the bed. Ok, it was time to raise the stakes a bit. She was 'Commander Fucking Shepard' after all, 'Saviour of the Citadel' (according to the current news vids), there was nothing she couldn't accomplish. With a sly smile she stood quietly and quickly undressed, letting her clothes fall in a silent cascade to the floor. Once completely naked__,__ she climbed on the bed as Kaidan picked up a stack of clothes, jabbering about it 'being ingrained in boot camp to take good care of your gear'. _

_Shepard stretched out on her stomach, her legs bent up playfully swaying back and forth. When Kaidan didn't turn around, she picked up her bra from the pile on the floor and tossed it so it flew over his shoulder and landed on the bag he was about to stow his folded clothes in. He turned sharply, his arms still cradling the pile of clothes and stared at her aghast. _

_Shepard stretched her arms out before her and deftly rolled onto her back. _

"_Take all the time you need, Kaidan. I'll just be waiting over here."_

_Her chocolate brown hair tumbled in a cascade over the edge of the bed as she leant her head back to get a look at his reaction. His half lidded eyes blinked rapidly and his chest rose and fell dramatically as his breathing increased, blown away by the vision before him. _

_A slow__,__ sexy smile crept across Shepard__'__s face as she studied him. 'Checkmate Alenko!' she thought with a sense of smugness._

_Kaidan's arms fell to his sides, the folded clothes dropping to the floor in a heap, forgotten, as he stalked across the room towards her with a predatory grin._

"Hey daydreamer. The shuttles all fired up and ready to go." Reese strode over to her, planting a loud kiss on her cheek as he leaned forward to grab their bags.

"COME ON MUMMA!" Kaila yelled from the doorway, bouncing with excitement. Her jacket buttoned up all wrong in her rush to get ready.

Reese turned to face her as he reached the door, stood next to Kaila and began jumping in imitation.

"YEAH MUMMA, COME ON! ADVENTURE IS CALLING!"

Shepard laughed, holding her hands up in defeat.

"Ok, ok. I'm coming already!"

"NANNA!" Kaila shouted as they pulled up outside the rather impressive house to see Mariana and Lucas standing on the porch waving excitedly.

Shepard was always amazed at the level of energy the couple had considering both were in their mid to late 60's.

As soon as Reese pulled the transport shuttle to a stop, Kaila was out of the door, and sprinting to greet her grandparents. Shepard watched as she was scooped in to a hug and peppered with kisses. A sad wistful smile crept across her face. She couldn't help but wonder what her parents would have been like now, if they had survived Mindoir. No doubt they would have been grandparents several times over, her brother Bradley had always wanted a big family. It was times like this she missed them most, and it pained her that they would never get to meet their granddaughter or their son-in-law.

Shepard waved as they stepped out of the shuttle onto the driveway. Leaving Reese to retrieve the bag, she strolled up the steps to join her daughter.

Mariana pulled her into an enthusiastic hug, kissing her cheek. "Hello Mandy, dear."

"It's good to see you, Mariana." She replied fondly. "You look well."

"Can't complain my dear, can't complain."

"Thanks for offering to look after Kaila."

Lucas stepped forward still holding Kaila, and gave Shepard a kiss on the cheek as well. "Anytime. It's always a highlight having our beautiful little granddaughter to visit. We missed you." He proclaimed, kissing Kaila on the nose.

"She looks more like her father every time I see her." Marianna mused as she reached forward to tuck a strand behind Kaila's ear.

Reese strolled up the steps and deposited the case on the stoop. "Son." Lucas nodded in greeting.

"Sir." He placed his hand gently on the old mans shoulder briefly before turning towards Mariana, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Nanna." He cooed, but it sounded more like a playful threat.

She giggled in response. "Hello, trouble."

He stepped forward and gave her a big bear hug, spinning her around once and depositing her back onto her feet.

She swatted his arm. "Oh, you silly fool."

"Reese?" Lucas stepped forward letting Kaila slide to her feet at his side. "Can you spare a few minutes before you leave? I want to pick your brains."

"Good luck finding them." Mariana snorted.

Reese narrowed his eyes at her before turning back to Lucas. "Of course, what did you need?"

They walked across the yard to the outbuilding where their maintenance equipment was housed. Kaila skipping along in tow, holding on tightly to her grandfather's hand.

"Here come inside and have a quick drink while the boys tinker."

Shepard followed Mariana into the house and down the photo lined hall to the kitchen, her eyes flicking across the familiar smiling faces that hung there, herself and Kaila included.

They sat down at the kitchen counter, nursing their cups of coffee looking out of the picture window. The early morning light danced across the surface of the water as it lapped the shore. It really was beautiful here.

Mariana reached out and placed her hand across Shepard's gently. "You've always been like a family to me, Mandy. You know that, don't you?"

"I do, and the feeling is mutual."

"Well then speaking as family, will you promise me something?" she asked earnestly.

"Of course." Shepard nodded.

"Have fun this week. Let your hair down, enjoy it. You always seem to stop just shy of being truly happy. It's almost like you think you don't deserve it or you feel guilty for feeling it." Mariana looked down at their hands and tightened her grip slightly. "It's been 7 years, dear." She whispered. I'm sure he'd want you to be happy and he wouldn't want you to blame yourself for what happened to the Normandy... to him. He wouldn't want you to feel guilty; you're the last person on Earth who should. If it wasn't for you, none of us would be here."

Shepard squeezed her hand in return and nodded. She was right, she knew she was right. She had to let go of Kaidan, of the intense love they shared or she'd never be truly happy. She felt the threatening prickle of tears and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't feel ready to let the memory of him go. Even after 7 years it still didn't feel like he was dead, it still didn't feel real. She was starting to think that it never would, that she would never be ready to close that chapter of her life, but she knew she had to. Not just for her sake, for Kaila and Reese's too.

Mariana hugged her as they stood on the porch saying goodbye. "Relax, be silly, have fun and let Pyjack brains over there look after you."

Reese stood at the bottom of the steps holding Kaila on his hip. He turned to her with mock surprise on his face.

"Did you hear what Nanna called me?" He asked as Kaila giggled.

"Thank you." Shepard whispered as she hugged Mariana again.

"You're welcome, Mandy dear."

Shepard walked over to Reese and kissed Kaila, pulling her into a fierce hug.

"I love you, titch. Have fun with Nanna and Grampy."

"Love you too, Mumma."

Shepard lowered Kaila to the ground and shooed her to her grandparents. She held her grandmothers hand and waved energetically as the shuttle door closed. Shepard waved back until they disappeared behind the line of trees. She leaned back against the headrest and rolled her head to one side to study Reese's features. The corner of his mouth twitched as he felt her eyes burning into him.

"I love you." She proclaimed, resting her hand on his thigh.

The smile on his face grew to a large goofy grin as he picked up her hand and pressed her knuckles to his lips.

"I love you, too."

**08-25-2194 - Approaching Arcturus System - Normandy **

_The beam loomed before them as they stood on the pile of rubble, surrounded by devastation. The horizon glowed an ominous red as London slowly burned, the sky alive with the scars of a fierce battle raging above. The air, thick and dark with the smell of death._

_The unnatural light of the beam transformed everything it touched in its intense wake. He glanced at Shepard, who was looking at the expanse before her that would be the final push. The light seemed to bleach out all the warmth from her face, leaving her ghostly and pale, but even in this unforgiving light she was still beautiful. He wished he knew what she was thinking. Her expression was unreadable beneath the mask of command. _

_Anderson spoke at her side and she turned to him, their conversion lost to his ears beneath the deafening sounds of war and suffering all around them. While she spoke, her hand brushed against his casually. As it swept across his gloved hand he hooked a finger around hers, stopping it in its path. After a moments pause she twisted her hand slightly and interlocked her fingers with his, squeezing firmly. It was the closest they had ever come to a public display of affection in front of the crew; they had always tried hard to keep their love private. But here, at the end of all things, the need for comfort and the fear of losing one another outweighed the need for privacy. _

_Garrus appeared from nowhere at Kaidan's side and he instinctively tried to disentangle his hand from Shepard's. She held fast, still engaged in discussion with Anderson. Garrus' eyes flicked down to their interlocked hands. His mandibles twitching as he glanced between the two of them. Kaidan straightened his shoulder and met his gaze, standing tall and proud by the woman he loved. This felt like getting approval from an over protective sibling, it almost made him laugh._

_Garrus' eyes softened slightly and he nodded his head, placing his hand on Kaidan's shoulder._

_Shepard turned to face them with a sigh. "Ready?" she asked, her eyes flicking between her love and her best friend._

"_Bring it on!" he said, with more bravado than he felt._

_Garrus clapped her on the back. "Just like old times."_

_And with that, they took off sprinting towards the beam._

_Shepard was impossibly fast. She quickly pulled ahead of them, but regularly glanced over her shoulder to make sure they were still there. Harbinger's beam erupted left and right sending armoured trucks and dismembered bodies flying across their path to the beam. _

_Kaidan focused on Shepard running ahead, ignoring the horrific scenes around him. She was unyielding, powering through the flames and rubble as the ground was ripped up before her, charging with hardly a misplaced step. When eventually she did stumble and fall, her eyes met his and his heart froze in his chest. His mouth open in a silent scream of warning as Harbinger__'__s beam sliced a trail heading right for her. Her eyes widened at the look on his face. She turned and gasped as the blinding red beam hit her full on. _

_He watched helplessly as her limp body flew through the air and smashed in to a mound of rubble. All he could do was run... run to her. A thousand prayers on his lips as the cold hand of dread reached into his chest and clenched his heart._

_Kaidan scrabbled up the pile of rubble to find her lying in an unnatural position. Her face, hardly recognisable under the black charred remains of her skin. What little was left of her armour had fused to her flesh. Her eyes, once brilliant azure blue, were now milky white, stared blindly at the sky. He fell to his knees before her lifeless body and threw his head back in a guttural cry of anguish, clutching at her lifeless body._

Kaidan sat bolt upright in bed. The scream that woke him, his own scream, still echoed around the cabin. His sweat drenched body glistened in the blue light cast by the fish tank as he ran a trembling hand down his face, trying to calm his frantic breathing.

The nightmares had started to return as they approached the Arcturus system. Now, as they drew closer to the first primary relay, every night they plagued his sleep. Each night they were the same, he dreamt about their last moment together. Sometimes they ended with her telling him she loved him and running back into the fray. Other times - like tonight - they threw up scenarios of what might have happened to her. He had watched her die in some horrific ways as he slept in what was once their bed.

He disentangled his legs from the sheets and sat on the edge of the bed, his head down as he rubbed his neck and shoulders. He glanced at the clock by the side of the bed, 0300. He was due to be back on duty at 0700. Rising to his feet with a sigh, he shuffled groggily to the bathroom.

He didn't need Chakwas to tell him that the dreams were caused by stress, he was well aware that his subconscious was preparing him for the worst. Preparing him for the news of her death.

Kaidan splashed cold water on his face and the back of his neck, trying to wash the disturbing image away, but knowing that it would be with him all day. With hands planted on either side of the sink, he glanced up into the mirror. The lack of sleep over the past two weeks was taking its toll. His eyes were dull and underscored by purple half-moons. His face looked pale and gaunt and his brow was perpetually furrowed.

With a heart weary sigh, he stripped off his briefs and stepped under the shower head letting the hot water wash away the sweat from his nightmare and some of the tension in his shoulder. He stood there under the cascading water longer than he would normally have, his mind wandering back to the bath they had taken together right here, in an old disused container tub so many years ago. The night she'd first told him she loved him.

He closed his eyes and remembered the smile on her face, cheeks flushed from the hot water. The way her hands caressed his thighs as they spoke, eyes locked on each other. The way the water lapped at the swell of her breasts, just visible beneath the bubbles.

He let his hand run slowly down his stomach to his growing arousal and gripped it firmly, remembering the noise she made as he pushed into her when she whispered those three, magical little words.

He began working his hand back and forth as he thought of her clamping down around him, mewing unabashedly as she neared her release. His free hand darted out and braced against the wall clawing at the smooth panel as he pumped himself faster and harder. The muscles in his stomach began to tense and he felt the heat and pressure begin to build. He lent his head against the wall and groaned her name. He thought about the way her breasts moved as he thrust into her and felt his already impressive manhood swell even further, tight and throbbing, screaming for release. He was close, so very close. He though about straddling her hips as she lay on her stomach and sang. The unbelievable urge to kiss her, to claim her. In his mind he rolled her over and froze. Her eyes that milky white, staring unseeing past him. Her skin cracked and burned from the intense heat of the beam.

Kaidan shook his head and tried to conjure up a different image, but the vision of her burnt, broken body from his nightmare just wouldn't go away.

He shut off the water and slammed his fist into the wall with a frustrated growl, denting the flat metal panel.

"Have you seen Kaidan?" Liara asked, leaning on the console beside Traynor.

"I believe he's still in the cockpit with Joker."

"He should just be coming on duty now. How long has he been up there?"

"He was already down with Joker when I came on duty at 0400."

Liara frowned as she gazed in the direction of the cockpit, lost in thought. Traynor reached over and grasped her hand gently running her thumb across the soft blue skin of Liara's knuckles. Liara looked down to their linked fingers and smiled back at her shyly through long eyelashes.

"You're concerned about him aren't you?"

"Yes. Kaidan's spirit is so entwined with Shepard's, the hope of a reunion with her is all that is keeping him going. I worry how he will react when the news is not ...favourable." Liara looked once more towards the cockpit.

"You said 'when', not 'if'. You don't think she made it, do you?" Traynor's shoulders slumped at the realisation that Liara seemed to have given up on Shepard completely.

"I think if anyone could survive, it's her, and by the Goddess I hope she did, but no, I do not think it's likely. She was at ground zero. The magnitude of that energy wave was enough to almost rip us apart and we were light years away from its origin by that point. I doubt the Citadel made it through intact, and anyone onboard was likely killed as it fired. At least it would have been quick. She wouldn't have suffered long."

A single tear snaked its way down Traynor's cheek. Liara reached out and wiped it away with her thumb, leaving her hand on her lover's cheek.

"I am sorry Samantha, I know it is not what you wanted to hear."

Traynor closed her eyes, trying to force back the tears that were beginning to flow. "I believe in her. She made it, I know she did."

Liara nodded, understanding Traynor's need to believe in Shepard. Traylor had grown so much under Shepard's command, they had become friends. She had respected Shepard.

Liara briefly squeezed Traynor's hand before releasing it and headed towards the bridge.

Kaidan sat in the co-pilots chair nursing his coffee mug, staring blankly out as the rolling blackness of space. He sighed and slowly sipped the now tepid contents.

"No offense Major, but could you maybe hang out somewhere else for a change? I mean, don't get me wrong, I like the company but all the yawning and sighing is kinda putting me off here. The Normandy is pretty big, there are lots of places where you could check out the view."

Kaidan took another long sip from his mug. "I want to be here when we find something."

"Maybe you didn't hear, but this beautiful ship of mine has this nifty little feature call an internal COM system, where I can call you no matter where you are, and tell you things like 'Hey Kaidan, I spy a working relay. Wanna come up at take a look?' Pretty cool, no?"

"You know one thing I'll never understand? How the hell you managed to survive Shepard's temper being such a smart arse all the time."

"Shepard appreciates my sparking personality." Joker turned in his chair to face Kaidan. "I mean it though buddy, you look like crap. Have you even slept?"

Kaidan rubbed his eyes. "Some."

"Go take a break man. Like half an hour of shut eye. I'll call you if we find anything."

He knew it made sense. He wasn't at his best right now. Even the industrial strength coffee wasn't making a dent in his exhaustion. Reluctantly he stood and nodded to Joker, placing a hand on his shoulder as he went.

"Thanks, Joker."

When the cockpit door opened he came face to face with Liara. The Asari gave him a concerned look as she took in his appearance and demeanor.

"Major, could I have a word?"

"Sure Liara, what's up?" He crossed his toned arms across his chest and lent his shoulder against the doorway.

"Glyph has been conducting some scans and has found something interesting. There seems to be a sporadic energy signature a few days flight ahead of us."

Kaidan furrowed his brow, his head to one side as he mulled over the information trying not to let himself get carried away in speculation.

"Could it be what I think it is?" He straightened raking his hands down his face. It looked like sleep was out of the question today.

"According to his records, there is only one thing it could be. I think it's..."

A harsh persistent bleeping from Joker's console interrupted their conversation.

"Uhh, Kaidan?"

"What is it Joker?"

"I spy a working relay."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** Sorry for the long wait, lots of things distracting me right now, but here is the new Chapter. Thanks as ever to my fab beta Gracie21 (p.s. that bit you made a note about being cute was actually something I did when I was little :D)

And as ever that you so very much for the follows favorites and super reviews. Each and everyone makes my day. I can't begin to describe how much they mean to me!

Love you all! Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter Three

_"Life's a voyage that's homeward bound."_

_Herman Melville_

**28.08.2194 - Ceres - Local Cluster **

The storm currently raging out on the surface of Ceres was particularly violent, one of the worst in a long time. The dwarf planet had been racked by ferocious arctic winds for a little over 12 hours now. Storms were a common occurrence on Ceres, but ones of this magnitude only came about once or twice a decade. The storms where what attracted people to Ceres in the first place, it was certainly what had attracted Reese. They were fierce and destructive but also beautiful, like Shepard. It's what made this tiny planet so popular with people looking for a little solitude and a complete escape form everyday life.

The habitats dotted across the continent were sturdy, warm, and well stocked, but best of all they were also secluded. This was no doubt another reason why he had chosen this location.

Even after 7 years, the amount of attention Shepard attracted hadn't diminished, in fact, if anything it had increased. When she was out of uniform she had taken to wearing her long, rich brown hair down to try and hide her features. She always sported sunglasses and did her best to hide her recognizable scars from the war. Reese knew the attention could become a little overwhelming, he was always coming to her rescue when he saw her in a situation where she felt hounded or uncomfortable, before her trademark volatile temper resulted in a reporter with a broken nose.

Their habitat was a 30 minute drive from the nearest amenities. It was nestled with its back against a small cliff, on a ledge overlooking the valley below. The floor to ceiling windows and generous skylights afforded a spectacular view, but what Shepard really appreciated was the feeling of solitude and peace. This was heavenly.

Granted, the exclusive resort had become a little run down as of late, but this was to be expected. In the first five years after the Reaper War, people just didn't really have the means or desire to go off world for vacations. There was so much work to be done, recovering the dead and trying to rebuild, to recapture what had once been. It was only in the last two years that business at the resort had once again begun to pick up.

The COM system needed retrofitting as it could no longer cope with Ceres' more extreme weather making off world COMs impossible at times like this. The decor was a little worn around the edges and the complimentary transports were in need of maintenance, but the views and the quiet solitude, still trumped any holiday the couple could have taken back on Earth.

The steam from Shepard's coffee wound its way through the air gently in front of her face, occasionally being dispersed by her steady shallow breaths. She sat in the small armchair, legs crossed underneath her, wrapped in a blanket. She cradled the coffee as she stared out of the window unseeing, lost in her thoughts.

It was 4am and she had yet to sleep. She felt unsettled. It was the same feeling she got in combat when something just wasn't right. A tingle at the base of her neck, like the feeling you get when you know someone is watching you. She'd felt it for a few days now and each day it grew stronger, harder to ignore. Each night she slept less and less.

At first she thought it was typical parental anxiety over being out of contact with her child, and that did worry her. But it wasn't what gave her the chill down her spine.

She closed her eyes and rolled her neck, feeling the stiff tendons and muscles pop and stretch as she moved. She raised her steaming cup to her lips and took a long slow sip of the rich blend before returning it to her lap. As she glanced down at the cup, the eerie yet relaxing lavender light that filtered into the room reflected off of her dog tags lying across the swell of her breast. She reached down on reflex and squeezed the tags in her fist for a moment. The second tag was heavier than the first; she lifted it to her mouth and gently pressed her full lips against the cool metal surface. Her breath hitched as her eyes filled with tears.

She remembered the last time she felt this unsettled feeling. Seven years ago, the night before their assault on the Cronos Station.

* * *

_Shepard lay awake in the cabin, snuggled under the duvet. She was pressed up against Kaidan's side, her head on his shoulder, watching his chest rise and fall steadily as he slept. She inhaled deeply, relishing the smell of him. He smelt sweet and musky, and when he breathed out deeply she could smell a hint of whiskey lingering on his breath._

_'Just one quick drink...' yeah right. _

_She had no idea why he felt the need for an excuse to come to her cabin tonight, maybe it was because for the first time since their reunion she hadn't asked him if he was coming up. He was always so damn chivalrous. He didn't need a nightly invitation, he had free reign of her cabin and her bed...__**their **__bed. She ran her fingers lightly across the rippled muscles of his stomach and he snored deeply as he nuzzled into her hair. _

_She'd had no trouble sleeping since their date night a few weeks back. Thanks to Kaidan, as soon as he was in the cabin with her, she instantly felt relaxed and loved. Her cabin had become a place of calm now, a retreat from the war and the stresses of command. But tonight was different; an angry dark cloud was hovering over them menacingly. Her instincts were honed and she trusted them. They had kept her alive this long and hadn't steered her wrong in the past. _

_Now as she lay there, her mind racing, she knew that something was going to happen, something was going to rip them apart and she had a pretty good idea what that would be. She was going to die. She was going to be snatched away from him, she was going to hurt him again and that thought made her hurt her more than anything._

_Shepard released her grip on Kaidan and climbed out of bed, taking care not to jostle him. She grabbed her discarded red tank top and pants off the floor and crept to the bathroom for a glass of water._

_When she returned Kaidan was spread out across almost the entire bed, which was no mean feat given the size of it. She managed to wriggle her way back onto the bed, laid on her back, and frowned up at the star field streaking past the skylight above her, frustrated that she couldn't shake the feeling that something was coming._

_She was so lost in her thoughts that she started when Kaidan ran the back of his fingers down her cheek. He swept his fingers gently across her forehead as she turned to face him, his long fingers smoothed back a few stray strands of hair and came to rest just behind her ear._

_"Hey beautiful." He whispered as he stroked his thumb across her cheek. "What are you frowning at?"_

_Her eyes locked onto his with such fierce intensity that the lazy smile plastered across his face faded._

_"I don't want to lose this, what we have. The odds are kinda stacked against us here, Kaidan. I don't want this to be our last night together." A brief flash of anguish flitted across her face before she sat up and turned to grab her glass of water off the night stand, a little embarrassed to have exposed so much emotionally. She felt like a needy, whiney teenager. _

_Kaidan sat up and rested his back against the headboard. He reached out and ran his hand down her arm._

_"You know I'm going to do whatever I have to, to make sure that doesn't happen, right?"_

_She placed the water down on the nightstand but found herself unable to turn and meet his gaze._

_"And I plan on spending the night with you for the rest of my life ...if you'll let me."_

_She chuckles slightly to herself._

_"Was that a proposal, Major?" Her tone was gentle and teasing._

_Kaidan paused for a moment before he responded. _

_"Well, I'd have liked it to be a little more romantic than this, but yeah, it is."_

_Shepard spun round to face him, her eyes wide with surprise._

_"What?! Are you serious?"_

_"One-hundred percent." He nodded._

_She crawled across the bed and settled herself onto his lap. Her knees either side of his muscular thighs, her hands gripping his shoulders as she took in the hopeful, yet anxious look in his eyes._

_"Say it." An honest smile spread slowly across her face and was mirrored on his._

_"Will you marry me, Shepard?" _

_She cradled his face in her hands and leaned in so their noses were almost touching._

_"Yes." _

_She bit her lip in an effort to control the gigantic grin that broke out as she answered, but she didn't have to. A second after the words were out of her mouth Kaidan's lips crashed against hers in a deep, passionate kiss._

_When they eventually broke away they were both flushed and breathless._

_"I don't have a ring." He admitted sheepishly._

_Shepard laughed and shook her head. "I don't need one."_

_He frowned and looked down deep in thought. He was a traditional man, he liked to do things right, there had to be some kind of token, something to make it official._

_With a smile he reached up to his dog tags and un-clipped one._

_"This will have to do for now." He clipped the tag onto her chain and un-clipped one of hers to replace his own. "There! We've given and received tags instead of rings. Very military way to seal the deal, don't you think?"_

_Shepard looked down at the new tag nestled comfortably against her own, then at her tag resting along with Kaidan's against his smooth sculpted chest, and she smiled. She hooked her slender fingers under the chain and held both tags lightly in her palm._

_"I can think of another way to 'seal the deal'." She smiled down at him as she gently tugged on the chain, bringing his lip to meet her own._

_They lost themselves in each other that night, in the deep wellspring of their love for each other. She felt whole again, complete in the arms of the one person who knew her best and loved her most. The almost overwhelming power of Kaidan's love for her washing away the creeping dread of things to come._

* * *

She squeezed her eyes tighter and tried as hard as she could to bring back the moments in greater detail. The look of trepidation on his face as he asked her to marry him. The infectious smile that followed her answer. The way he ran his hands up her spine, his fingers spread wide as they skirted over her soft skin, in a touch so delicate it felt out of place coming from a soldier. The surprising softness of his greying hair as she buried her nose into his curls. The feel of his lips against her skin, his warm mouth fanning the flames of her desire further. The contrast of their chests as they pressed together, his so strong, broad and hard, hers soft, delicate and smooth. The exquisite feeling of completeness as he entered her slowly. The way his mouth formed a tiny 'o' as he exhaled once he was inside her, almost like he still couldn't believe he was there with her again, having lost her so cruelly. The panted 'I love you' he whispered into her ear as he felt her climax coursing through her entire body. The way he held her tight until she finished trembling.

She remembered so much, but it just wasn't enough... she wanted more, she wanted him. But she was never going to have him again, he was gone. She'd lost him ...she'd lost almost everything.

There was a small dripping sound and she opened her eyes in time to see another tear roll down her cheek and land in her coffee cup. Leaning over the arm of the chair, Shepard deposited the half full cup on the small end table at her side, and with slightly trembling fingers she removed the rubber casing of the heavier dog tag revealing a second hidden underneath.

ALENKO

KAIDAN R.

09.21.2151

4246-WM-4564

SENTINEL

The lettering was not as distinct as it used to be. It had been worn down by seven years of gentle caresses. Countless hours alone in the dark, rolling the only love token he ever gave her, over and over in her hand, desperately trying to maintain the connection to him that was fading fast in the cold light of day.

She squeezed the tag tightly, pressed her clenched fist against her heart and let out a small sob, as her head lolled back against the back to the chair, tears now flowing freely. She squeezed her eyes shut once again and clenched her jaw so tightly she wouldn't be surprised if she cracked a tooth.

She hated this, hated crying, hated being so emotional, so weak. She'd lost count of the number of times she had been told that 'time heals all wounds' in the last seven years. This wound didn't feel healed.

In the weeks directly after she learned of Kaidan's death, she staunchly clung to the fact that they must have been mistaken, he hadn't died. He was just lost; he was out there somewhere leading her crew (her unconventional family) back to her. Any day now the news would come, the Normandy would be sighted and recovered. Kaidan would rush to be at her bedside and with his love and support she would defy all expectations and be back in fighting shape in no time at all.

As the days and weeks rolled on this hope faded and was replaced by fierce anger.

Why? WHY?!

Hadn't she lost enough in her life? Her family, her home, her **_life,_** and now the man she loved. She'd given everything, EVERYTHING, for others. Hardly ever a thought for herself, and this is how the fates repaid her? What could she possibly have done to deserve this? This soul destroying pain? What had Kaidan done to deserve death? There was no justice. He was the most compassionate and gentle soul she had ever met. He was a good man. One, who once committed, loved unconditionally and gave himself so selflessly.

She hated that there were people out there who thought only of themselves. People who used the War and the fear and desperation it generated for their own selfish needs. Like that god awful Salarian on the Citadel, who refused to help with the War effort unless he got rare trinkets and items to line his own pockets. How many people had died while he sat in his booth, greedily rubbing his hand together while she wasted valuable time flying across the galaxy looking for items to barter with? Why did people like that get to survive when Kaidan didn't? It was unfair. If only he had just given them the weapons, having that extra time might have meant things went differently.

If only she hadn't sent Kaidan back onto that ship, he might have made it to the beam with her; he might have made it through like she did.

Maybe she shouldn't have let him come back onboard the Normandy at all. He might have been safer fighting with his students like Jack had. It was selfishness that prompted her to welcome him back on the vessel. Had that action led him down a path to his death? Had she brought a few months of happiness and paid the bill with his life?

A million and one decisions led her to this point. A million and one times she could have done something differently, could have changed the way things went down.

If only... if only. One could drown in 'if only's.

She had laid there in her hospital bed going over every single decision she had made, questioning everything, trying to figure out where she had made the fatal misstep that had led to losing him. She never found one of course, **_could_** never find one. What had Kaidan said after Jenkins had died on Eden Prime?

_'You did nothing wrong, it was just bad luck'._

She missed him so much. He always knew what to say, what to do. He could always make her feel better, like she wasn't alone in the world. Knowing that she wouldn't feel that again was like a kick in the stomach, knocking all the wind out of her. She couldn't help but think about all the things they would miss out on. They would never get to make good on their promise to get married. He would never get a chance to be a father and question his parenting choices. She'd never get to see him holding their child for the first time. They would never build a home together and invite his parents over for Christmas. They would never have a blazing row, and take tiny cautious steps to making up. He would never make her laugh again. She would never tease him about his lame attempts at flirting and make him pout like a wounded 14 year old girl. He would never hold her when she woke up from a nightmare, chasing away the demons with his soothing words. The list was endless!

The counselor the Alliance assigned to her said that everything she was feeling was normal. These were the stages of grief.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

The trouble was that she couldn't seem to get to the 'acceptance' part. How could she? How could anyone accept the person they love getting ripped away from them? How could anyone who knew Kaidan accept him not being in this world anymore?

People just didn't seem to get it? They all seemed to think she should be over it by now, so she kept the pain locked up inside. She carried on with her life as best she could. She had a child who she adored. A husband who she loved. It was not the same kind of love as with Kaidan. It wasn't better, it wasn't worse. It was just different.

But every year when the anniversary of the end of the war rolled around, the entire galaxy celebrated in their own way. Everyone apart from Shepard. She could never celebrate that day.

Each year she would be taken aback that another year had passed and she still hadn't accepted his loss; still felt the pain as sharply.

She developed a little ritual for that day. She'd spend it with his family, the only other people who understood why she couldn't celebrate.

In the morning she would rise early, sneak into the kitchen and make pancakes with authentic Canadian maple syrup, just as Kaidan had made them on shore leave so long ago. She would set aside one pancake on a plate for him and smile as she thought about how much he would complain and pout that he only got one. She imagined him trying to steal hers grumbling about biotic appetites. Her smile would fade as she scraped the pancake into the bin untouched.

His mother had given her his old, worn Vancouver Trojans hoodie and she would wear it all day, stroking the soft material.

They would share Kaidan stories, each had been told a hundred times over but she still loved to hear them. Loved to laugh about the Mothers Day when he had almost set the kitchen on fire attempting to make breakfast unsupervised aged eight. How they had found him hiding in the outbuilding too scared to face his parents. Or the time he had pitched a tantrum when he was three. His grandmother had opened his bag of chocolate buttons for him, but had ripped the corner off instead of opening the top like his mother did. Kaidan had erupted into floods of tears screaming 'you broke it, you broke it!' much to everyone's amusement. His mother lent down to wipe a tear from his cheek and held it in front of him saying 'ohhh look I found a little tear, Kaidan'. Kaidan had pounded his tiny fists into the sofa cushions and demanded she put it back, it was his.

After lunch the mood would change as they prepared to go to the memorial wall. Shepard would put on a cap and dark glasses to try and avoid being spotted and hounded. The other mourners were respectful; they nodded and occasionally patted her on the shoulder or shook her hand. The press however always seemed to think it would get them ratings to show Major Shepard mourning, like her grief and pain were entertainment. The Alenko's had taken to forming a wall around her, keeping her obscured in the centre of their group.

In the afternoon they would watch his favourite movie, 'For Pride and Honour ', and Shepard would sit there lost in her memories of the date night they had shared back on the Normandy, where he had teased her for her love of the Blasto movies.

For dinner they had his favourite foods, his mother would make steak, ale and cheese pie. Over the years she taught Shepard how to make it, just as Kaidan had once imagined she would. His sister Juliana made raisin scones which they ate with clotted cream and Larissa, the youngest Alenko sibling, brought a crate of Canadian Lager, usually Molson's, and they would sit out on the balcony overlooking English Bay while Shepard regaled them with tales of how brave and selfless a soldier Kaidan was.

That night she would sleep in Kaidan's childhood bedroom and cry herself to sleep looking at her favourite picture of them together. She would trace her fingers along the line of his arm holding the camera out to take the shot. She would stare at her lips pressed to his cheek as he smirked cheekily with one eye closed, and try to remember the way he smelt and the feel of his stubble on her face.

The pain she felt on that grim anniversary was immense and pressing, but immersing herself in his world and openly mourning his loss with people who felt it as keenly as she did was a comfort.

Shepard wiped her eyes with the back of her fingers and gently place Kaidan's tag behind hers in the small rubber holder. She held the joined tags and squeezed them firmly as she grabbed her coffee, tipping the now cold contents down the sink before slinking back to join her husband in bed.

* * *

** 08.27.2194 - Final Approach to Relay - Arcturus - Arcturus Stream**

"Anything yet?" Kaidan paced behind Joker's chair, the tension and anticipation rolling off of him was practically stifling in the small space of the cockpit.

"No, just like ten seconds ago... and ten seconds before that... and ten..."

"Joker." Garrus's tone was loaded with unmistakable warning.

"No sir, still unable to pick up any transmissions."

Kaidan crossed his arms across his chest as he paced. "And are we sure we're short range broadcasting our ships ID and message regarding the status of our COM system?"

Joker spun in his chair, his mouth open ready to unleash a torrent of sarcastic abuse at Kaidan, but he stopped when he saw the look on his friends face. His eyes were wide and he looked like he was ready to crawl out of his own skin he was so on edge.

"Yes sir, systems show short range broadcast is being sent out."

"It's just a case of waiting till we're in broadcast range now." Liara placed a reassuring hand on Kaidan's shoulder as he walked past her, where she stood in the doorway. He paused and gave her a curt nod. "Joker, can you let us hear the incoming signal?"

With a tap and click or two on the console screen before him, Joker patched the open frequency through to the ships intercom system and the air was filled with a hiss and crackle of static.

Kaidan walked over to the co-pilots seat and stared intently out of the window before him. To the naked eye there was nothing but rolling black space before them. They knew better. As they neared the relay the ships sensors had picked up several Alliance ships around the sporadically surging and stalling energy signature of the Arcturus Relay.

He lost himself in his thoughts, the rolling blackness and the white noise of static allowing his mind to wander. He imagined them receiving a hero's welcome back on Earth, stepping off the ship to cacophonous applause. The people would part slightly and there she'd be, pushing her way through the crowd. Her fierce blue eyes locked on to him as she sprinted towards him and wrapped herself around him.

It took him a second to realise what had snapped him back to reality. The previously steady drone of the static had been replaced by popping and crackling.

"Joker, turn that up!" He barked as he turned back to face the pilot.

They were all straining so hard to hear anything in the patchy signal, that Liara actually jumped as a broken voice came through.

"...ing ...el, this is ...tain ...phrys ...ondon. ...firm... ident...?"

"Traynor, can we do anything to clean up this signal!" Kaidan issued the order so loudly, Sam heard him from her position by the Galaxy map without the need of ships intercom system.

"Trying to scrub up the signal now, Sir."

Kaidan held his breath as he listened to the weak signal.

"Got it!" Sam yelled excitedly.

"...peat. Incoming vessel, this is Captain Humphrys of the SSV London. Please confirm your ships identification. Incoming vessel, do you read me?"

Joker leaned forward slightly in his seat and tapped the console ending their looped broadcast. "SSV London, this is the SSV Normandy."

"Damn good to see you Normandy. Please proceed to our co-ordinates."

"Roger that London."

* * *

Kaidan watched out of the port side window as they pulled up alongside the SSV London. The cruiser stood strong and proud, it's impressive size dwarfed by the gargantuan primary relay towering behind it. The cruiser was old but still beautiful. It had been scheduled for decommission, but the arrival of the Reapers had changed that.

Joker deftly manoeuvred the Normandy with pin point precision and extended the airlock gantry, linking it to the London.

"SSV London, this is Major Alenko of the SSV Normandy. Permission to come aboard?"

"Permission granted, Major."

Kaidan nodded to Garrus and Liara who fell in step behind him as he marched purposefully to the airlock.

The decontamination process seemed to take longer than usual. Kaidan tapped his foot impatiently, his nose practically pressed against the cold hard metal of the outer door. He huffed impatiently as the white beam glided back and forth across the room; the cold robotic voice repeating itself over and over drove him mad. He missed Edi, they all did. The body that she had liberated from Eva Core was resting, non functional in the now defunct AI core. Tali and Adams were hopeful that with the right resources - namely those found back on earth - they could reinstall the AI from her isolated backups with minimal loss of integrity. But for now, like sleepy beauty, she slumbered.

"Logged, the Major is ashore, XO Vega has the deck."

The door in front of them glided open to reveal a man in his mid thirties.

"Welcome aboard the London, Major." The man snapped off a precision salute. "Captain Humphrys, CO."

Humphrys was obviously a career man. His BUD's were crisp and starched, his hair was tightly cropped and he carried himself with an air of ridged command. Something told Kaidan though that he was new to the position of authority. It was a slight look of hesitation in his eyes that others would probably have missed. Kaidan, with his years of experience, spotted it straight off. He assumed that the London's original CO must have been lost during the War and the burden of commanding this impressive cruiser had fallen to Humphrys as the next in line.

As Garrus and Liara stepped out of the airlock Humphrys greeted them with an equal amount of gusto.

"You must be Garrus Vakarian." He gripped the Turian's hand eagerly in an enthusiastic handshake. "And you," he turned to Liara with a broad smile, "must be Liara T'Soni."

Garrus cocked his head slightly, his mandibles twitching in surprise. "You know us?"

Humphrys paused for a moment and met the Turian's gaze with a look of incredulity. "Everyone in the galaxy knows the crew of the Normandy." He straightened his back and continued with evident pride. "You're heroes! You were the spear head of the Galactic Resistance's attack. If not for you and Commander Shepard, none of us would be here."

Humphrys' face fell slightly and Kaidan felt this throat tighten as a thin tendril of dread snaked its way up his spine eliciting a slight shiver. He wanted to ask if she had made it, if she was alive and safe, but he couldn't seem to find his voice, his throat was not co-operating.

"If I might enquire, you seem surprised to see us, more so than I would have expected under the circumstances." Liara interjected giving Kaidan time to steel himself. She was right. They expected relief when they resurfaced from the void, which there definitely was, but there was something else there too. Something lingering under the surface, etched into the expressions on people's faces and in their tone of voice. It was hard to pin it down but it seemed that people did not expect to see them at all, and that tightened the already oppressive feeling of disquiet Kaidan felt.

Humphrys rubbed his jaw reflexively as he met Liara's gaze. "You're right, we are. The last report of the Normandy was that the vessel and all souls on board had been lost. Taken out in a collision with another vessel when the energy wave hit the relays."

"What?" Kaidan's husky voice was quiet and strained as the implications of that news sank in.

"A report came in from the SSV Orizaba that both ships were destroyed, no escape pods launched. Moments later she went black, the Orizaba is presumed lost."

Humphrys face softened as he took in the look of foreboding on their faces, cleared his throat and continued.

"They had a service. Your names were all added to the memorial wall that was erected in central Vancouver. After things had settled down some, they even erected a statue in your memory. It's in the courtyard of the new Alliance HQ. Of course the main focus of the statue is Shepard, but you're all on there too, with the Normandy."

'Mainly Shepard', the words hit Kaidan like a speeding hammerhead. You don't erect statues in memory of people who survive. His stomach lurched and he felt his knees wobble slightly. All the struggles and hardships of the last 7 years, for nothing? She was gone. His reason for fighting and holding fast was gone. He'd lost her again. He'd lost everything.

In that moment Kaidan's world was drained of colour. It felt like he was in a bubble, a thin translucent membrane separating him from the rest of the galaxy, letting him see but nothing else. He had never felt so utterly alone as he did in that moment, standing aboard the bridge of a vessel teaming with people.

We are all so wonderfully unique in our pain and suffering. We all choose our own path, set our own course through the storm of grief. Kaidan had sailed those oceans before, battling to stand strong in her memory as the waves of loss crashed against him. It had taken everything he had to keep his footing and not be swept away. He knew in that instant that he wouldn't fight this time. He'd finish his mission, see the crew home safe as planned, then he'd curl up somewhere, drink himself into oblivion and pray for the Powers That Be to just end his suffering. Pray to be reunited with his love on the other side of the squaw. And if they wouldn't take pity on him, well ...then he would just take matters into his own hands. He couldn't live in a world without her light burning brightly at his side, his beacon of hope guiding him home. No, he wouldn't live in a world like that.

Somewhere outside his bubble he heard Humphrys warm southern English accent and unwillingly cast his eyes back in the Captains direction.

"You should have seen Shepard's face when they unveiled it at the Anniversary service. She was far from impressed, let me tell you. She had a face like thunder."

Kaidan let out a sharp sigh.

"She's alive?" His voice cracked as he practically breathed the words.

"Yes Sir." Humphrys replied with a comforting friendly smile.

A tidal wave of relief washed over Kaidan. The bubble surrounding him moments before popped and the world came flooding back to him in an almost overwhelming wave, bright alive and once more full of hope. She had made it, she was alive, and would be waiting for him just like she had promised. His whole body felt on fire with the unimaginable urge to be reunited with her. To take her in his arms and never let her go again.

"The reports said it was touch and go for a while there. She was smashed up in a bad way when they eventually found her. She was..."

Humphrys paused and flinched slightly. "I shouldn't really get into all this. Hackett wants to debrief you personally, if you would follow me?" He waved his hand towards the London's CIC.

Kaidan turned to Liara and Garrus as Humphrys stood patiently by the console lined walkway.

"Garrus, talk to engineering and see if they can offer assistance with our COMs and other damaged systems." Garrus nodded and strode purposefully towards a senior officer stood near the airlock.

Kaidan leaned closer to Liara. "Can you piggyback onto their systems and see if you can dig up anything on what happened with the Crucible and Shepard after it fired?"

"Of course Major."

Kaidan turned towards the CIC but was halted in his tracks by Liara's hand on his elbow.

"Kaidan, I'm..." A looked passed between them in that moment. He knew that she had given up hope of finding Shepard alive. He had known as much when he overheard her and Garrus arguing about it in Port Observation, but that was all water under the bridge now. Shepard was alive and the only thing that mattered was getting back to her.

Kaidan nodded his acceptance of her unspoken apology and gave her a small but warm smile which she returned before making her way to the London's Specialist station.

Kaidan turned and followed Humphrys through the CIC.

"So what's your story Captain? How did you end up here?"

Humphrys shrugged slightly. "Much the same as anyone else's really. I was a Commander serving under Captain Venables. We were overseeing the decommission of the London when the Reapers hit Earth. Admiral Hackett ordered us to take The London and rendezvous with the fifth fleet. We were there fighting with everyone else when the galaxy united and took back Earth. We lost the Captain in an explosion, so I assumed command."

They stepped into the elevator and Humphrys hit the button for deck two.

Kaidan nodded, glad that his instincts about the officer had been correct.

"When the Crucible fired, like the Normandy, the London was withdrawing to the rendezvous point and we were caught in the blast. We were lucky though, we ended up just the other side of Benning with no real damage. We made our way here straight away but the relay was crippled by the energy wave. We were instructed to remain at the relay and await further orders."

The elevator glided to a stop and the doors slid open revealing a large war room. There was a large circular console projecting detailed schematics of the Arcturus Mass Relay. The console dominated the room and cast a cool blue glow over the people and equipment gathered around it. They were talking excitedly as they separated the image and examined a small section in greater detail, focusing on one small section of wiring highlighted by a red pulsing light.

Kaidan stepped up to the console and examined the schematics closely.

"You're repairing the relay. Looks like you're almost there too." his keen technical mind working overtime as he looked at the readouts.

"We are, yes. They're calling it Operation Phoenix. There are 15 teams in total all working on repairing relays across the galaxy. Every species is united in the task and working together to get us all reconnected."

"Makes sense." Kaidan nodded his eyes still fixed on the circuitry of the relay, "No doubt there are a lot of people as eager to get home as we are."

"Exactly. The Charon Relay is already functional. Understandable really, given half the fleets in the galaxy were within spitting distance of it. We form part of Alpha team, charged with getting the Arcturus relay functioning again. We're almost there, just having issues maintaining the correct dark energy field modulation. Once we have that licked we'll be ready to go with the live tests." Humphrys straightened up proudly and clasped his hands behind his back.

"We will be the second relay to come online, it's quite an achievement. We are much further along than any of the other 15 teams."

Kaidan nodded and smiled genuinely. "Do you mind if I take a look at this? I have a few ideas based on what I can see of the wiring."

"Not at all, Major. Having someone with your knowledge and skills with tech would be a tremendous help, but right now, Admiral Hackett is waiting to debrief you."

With a nod Kaidan tore himself away from the console and followed Humphrys to one of four small QEC rooms at the back of the war room. The room was identical to the QEC room onboard the Normandy.

"When you're ready just hit the connect button. I'll be waiting for you in the War Room." And with that Humphrys strode out of the room.

Kaidan walked over to the console rail and took a deep breath. He couldn't stop from wondering, hoping, that Shepard would be there with Hackett. Surely Hackett would have contacted her as soon as he'd been informed that they were at the Arcturus relay, and knowing Shepard, she'd insist on being there. Nothing would stop her, he thought with a lopsided smile as he reached forward and hit the connection button.

The blue ring in the ceiling flashed brightly and the honeycomb wall behind the console burst to life, alive with dancing electricity. There was a bright flare of static accompanied by the all too familiar mechanical hum as the static coalesced into a mesh of light before taking form. As Kaidan saluted his superior officer he took in his appearance, he looked so much older now, but he had lost none of his air of authority and command.

"Damn good to see you, Major." He smiled warmly as he returned Kaidan's salute.

"Likewise, Sir." Kaidan nodded as he settled into parade rest.

"Never been so glad to hear we had received false Intel."

"That's what I heard. Happy to report all crew and ship are fine. Long range COMs are down and we lost some none essential systems but other than that, we're good to go, Sir."

"That's going to make a lot of people very happy." Hackett smiled warmly as he nodded. "If all goes to plan we should be able to get you back home soon for a full debrief and a damn big welcome home party, but in the mean time, give me a brief report of what happened."

Kaidan briefly ran through the events of the last seven years, explaining the damn near fatal collision with the dreadnaught that had forced them down on an unknown, uninhabited planetoid. The years of isolation in the cold blackness of space, salvaging what they could from the wreckages they passed. Missions to colony worlds looking for a way to communicate with Earth but finding only decimated habitats, ravaged equipment and innumerable corpses. Soldiers, families, lying forgotten and un-mourned. They did what they could for the poor souls they found, but there were so many of them, the loss of life was staggering.

Kaidan let out a weary sigh, his head falling slightly. He was exhausted, drained. For him and indeed the entire crew of the Normandy, there had been no respite. No real chance to relax. They were all running on vapours, focusing on one day at a time, just trying to survive, to get home.

"Don't lose sight of what you have accomplished, Major." Hackett's tone was sympathetic but firm. "You have done an exemplary job over the last seven years. It can't have been easy keeping the crew motivated and on point in the face of such uncertainly. It's a testament to your leadership skills. I can only imagine how hard it's been, being so isolated and cut off from the rest of the galaxy, not knowing how the war ended, not knowing what happened to Shepard."

Kaidan's breath caught audibly in his throat and his eyes darted to Hackett's.

"Is she there?" His voice sounded so meek and desperate as he clenched his hands behind his back.

"She's on leave right now. Off world. We haven't been able to contact her due to adverse conditions, communications aren't what they once were, but we're getting there."

Kaidan couldn't help the wave of disappointment he felt at this news. He had so desperately wanted to see her face, even just over vidcom. It was the reassurance he needed after all these long years of not knowing.

"She's alright though, right? I mean she made it, she survived the War in one piece?"

Hackett smiled slightly and nodded.

"I doubt anyone else could have survived what she went through with those kinds of injuries, but yes, she made it. That woman is tougher that a Krogan's backside!"

"Yes she is." Kaidan smiled at that but it quickly faded. "I take it that she was in a pretty bad way. What was the extent of her injuries?"

Hackett paused momentarily, "Let's not get bogged down in all that, suffice to say she is 100% right now, a few new battle scars, but other than that she's good. Now, let's talk about how we get you home."


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** Another chapter for the slowest updating story in the history of FOREVER! So sorry.

Thank you so much for the comments and favorites/follows, glad your enjoying it and sorry for dragging it out so much.

BIG THANKS for my awesome beta Gracie21, who give me wonderful tips on the things she'd like to see more of as well as fixing all my blunders. YOU'RE AWESOME GURL!

* * *

Chapter Four

_"Feels like coming home after travelling a million miles._

_I am not alone. Searching for the starlight in the darkest skies."_

_Kerli_

**31.07.2194 - Ceres - Local Cluster **

Shepard lay in the soft bed, wrapped in the thick warm sheets beside Reese, looking out of the skylight above them. The air was thick with sweeping snow flurries and just visible behind the layer of snow she could make out the ever-present breathtaking aurora borealis, which danced and swept across the angry sky like an oily puddle reflecting a prism of light, the sky seemed to be on fire. As she stared up at the flame-like waves of green and purple snaking back and forth lazily, she let her mind wander, and as usual it wandered to Kaidan. She closed her eyes on reflex and pictured him, his handsome features highlighted by the light streaming through the window of her new apartment, a beer bottle in hand and two nice thick steaks laid out before him, ready to hit the griddle. She opened her eyes and sighed. She had to stop doing this to herself, he was gone and no amount of wishing or dreaming would ever bring him back. She glanced at Reese sleeping soundly beside her and smiled at him, he slept like a child, face down, arms and legs all over the place. Her eyes drifted down his lean body, she knew every curve by heart, every blemish, every scar and the stories behind them. Knowing the story behind the scars was not exactly an intimate thing, he was always more than eager to boast about how he got them, he'd tell anyone that would listen. Her eyes drifted past the scar on his lower back, where he had been slashed by a Phantoms blade during a skirmish in the month leading up to the end of the War, and came to rest on the curve of his backside, just covered by the sheet. Just visible was the top of his tattoo, she smiled and let her mind wander in a new direction.

* * *

_They had been dating for a little over three months and Reese had taken her out for drinks in a very 'lively' district of Vancouver. As usual when the date was drawing to a close, Reese leant in for a kiss and Shepard withdrew in a knee jerk reaction. _

"_Must we do this every time?" He asked as he slipped his hand around her waist, pulled her flush against him, and stooping down, pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss._

_When he pulled back he could see that she was frowning, he lent forward again but this time she stopped him with a hand firmly planted in his chest._

"_This isn't fair." She studiously avoided meeting his eyes. "You may be the most annoying man in existence, but you're a good man. You deserve to be with someone without so much... baggage, someone not so broken." She dropped her head further, shaking it mournfully. "You deserve someone who won't try to push you away... This is never going to last."_

_Reese hooked a finger under Shepard's chin and lifted it gently, she closed her eyes to avoid his breathtaking steel grey gaze._

"_Why do you push me away?"_

"_What?" Her eyes snapped open, this was not the direction she had anticipated, but then she should have come to expect this from Reese._

"_Why do you push me away? Do you feel guilty? Or is it that you're scared that if you let me in you might lose me too?"_

_She half heartedly laughed and cast her eyes back to the floor. "Maybe a bit of both," she confessed with a sigh. "I guess... I know I'm not that fun to be around anymore, and there is only so long a person can take being with someone like that before they start to feel like they are being dragged into the pit with them and want to escape. I know that's what's going to end up happening here, so..."_

"_...So why invest?" He asked. Shepard nodded, "You really are as dumb as a Vorcha sometimes, you know that, right?"_

"_What?!" Another curve ball, he was the king of curve balls._

"_I love being around you, even when you're sad. You are the most fascinating and simultaneously frustrating woman I have ever met! There is no way, __**no way**__ I am going to walk away from this, from you. Forget about it, it's not going to happen."_

_She shook her head and sighed, "You don't mean that."_

"_Like hell I don't." _

_She sighed and gave him a humouring smile. He took a step back and crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing in a way she knew meant trouble._

"_Ok, I need to prove it, I can do that." He nodded resolutely. "Give me an hour." And with that he turned and walked away from her door, leaving her baffled._

* * *

_Shepard sat in her sparse apartment within the Alliance HQ facility and glanced at the clock for possibly the hundredth time. She had sat there impatiently for a little over an hour now, what was he doing?_

_She was just closing the fridge, having gotten up to grab another beer when her door slid open and Reese wandered in –as ever, as if he owned the place– and took the beer from her hand with an appreciative smile._

"_Help yourself!" Her voice dripped with sarcasm but her face betrayed her amusement._

"_Thank you Sparky." He tipped the beer bottle to her in salute and walked over to the sofa._

"_Don't call me that, I hate it when you call me that."_

"_I know." He smiled, enjoying teasing her._

_Shepard returned to the fridge to get another beer. "So?" She popped the cap and made her way back into the living area to take up a seat at his side._

_Reese stopped mid swig and raised his eyebrows in a silent query._

"_Come on then, let's see this proof." She placed her beer on the table and crossed her arms over her chest, a smug look spreading across her face. She refused to believe that he could have done anything in that amount of time that would convince her of how serious he claimed was._

"_Ok, now don't freak out." Reese placed his bottle gently down on the coffee table and stood up._

"_You know saying that will automatically put me on edge and make me more likely to freak out, right?"_

"_Valid point." A small but honest chuckle escaped his lips. "So, I wanted something that would show you just how serious I am about you, about us. Something that would prove to you that I'm in this for the long haul and I'm not going anywhere." His hands moved to his belt buckle, his long steady fingers unbuckling it slowly before moving to the fastening of his trousers._

"_This is what you think is gonna prove it?" Shepard crossed her arms across her chest and scowled at him._

_They had been together for three months, but they had yet to cross __**that**__ line, to be physically intimate. They had fooled around some sure, but Shepard always hit the brake before things went too far and Reese respected her enough to not protest. He wanted it, boy did he ever want it, but he knew this was not easy for her so he let her set the timetable for their relationship._

"_Hey, I know you're just dying to get me out of my pants, but it's not what you're thinking." He turned around and slid his trousers down just enough to reveal a sizable dressing high up on his right cheek._

"_Urmmm...ok." Shepard muttered, confused._

"_Peel back the dressing."_

"_I'm not a doctor, maybe someone else should check that out for you." She sneered._

"_For once, just shut your sassy mouth and do as I ask!" he blurted out in with an exasperated sigh._

_Shepard rolled her eyes, grabbed the corner of the dressing and with a sly smile yanked it off in one sharp movement, eliciting a string of obscenities. Her amused expression faded and was replaced by a look of startled bewilderment as she took in what was beneath the dressing. There, 5 inches long, surrounded by angry, pink, goosebumped skin was a fresh tattoo. The lettering was all black in a graceful flowing script surrounded but a blue biotic flame._

"_Sparky." She whispered unable to take her eyes off the word._

"_Yup, kinda fitting right, I mean now you literally ARE a pain in my ass." He quipped, looking back over his shoulder at her._

_Shepard reached out and gently ran her finger across the hot raised skin, feeling the shape of each letter. "Does it hurt?"_

"_It's a little sore, yeah. But it's worth it if helps you see how much I care about you. I love you Sparky"_

_Shepards froze, she didn't even breathe. She felt it, sure she did. Deep down in the pit of her stomach she knew that she was starting to fall in love with him, but she couldn't bring herself to say it, she barely let herself feel it. Shepard rose to her feet, reached out and took his hand, gently interlacing her fingers with his. She tried to speak a few times but nothing would come out, eventually she just closed her mouth and frowned down at the floor with a sigh._

"_It's ok you know, I don't need you to say it back. I just wanted you to know." Reese bowed his head so their foreheads rested against one another. "There's no rush, I'll wait for you because I love you."_

_Shepard buried her face into Reese's neck, wrapping her arms around him. She softy pressed her full lips to his throat just below his ear and whispered. "Stay with me tonight."_

* * *

That first night with Reese had been so bittersweet, she wanted to be with him but at the same time, it felt so much like cheating on Kaidan that, as she lay in Reese's arms, her back nestled against his chest, she silently wept as the guilt and chilling sense of loss replaced the warm glow of their union. Now, all these years later the guilt had lessened, she just needed to let go of the sense of loss, the empty void that seemed to be perpetually by her side. She needed to move on, to make the one decision that she had been stalling on.

Shepard inhaled deeply and let out a long resigned sigh.

"I can't sleep with you thinking so loud." Reese mumbled as he lay on his stomach spread eagle, his face buried in his fluffy pillow. She turned and met his sleepy, one-eyed gaze.

"Sorry." She whispered as she lent over to kiss his muscular shoulder.

He rolled onto his side and grabbed her in a flash, pulling her into a bear hug. He sighed contentedly as he rested his cheek on the top of her head and draped a long leg over hers. Using his legs to hold her bottom half as tightly as his arms held her top and kissed her forehead.

"What are you thinking about anyway?"

"It doesn't matter." She replied snuggling into his chest and peppering it with soft, warm kisses.

He pulled back slightly, craning his neck to look her in the eye.

"Whenever you say that, it normally does matter." He studied her face and found his assumption to be true by the look in her eyes. "Come on. Out with it."

She wriggled up the bed a little, rested her forehead to his and closed her eyes. "I was thinking about the future, what you wanted... us having another baby."

This time it was she who watched closely. Looking for expressions that would give away what he was thinking. He was hesitant but she could see the underlying excitement that he was trying to quash.

Reese had first broached the subject 2 months ago.

* * *

_It had been a long god awful day. No matter what he did nothing seemed to go right for him. Two of the N7 recruits had ended up sending each other to the Alliance Hospital during hand to hand combat training. The brass were on his case about needing his specialised skill set for a deep cover infiltration mission they were planning in a few months time. They were not happy when he didn't snap of a crisp 'Aye, Aye' on the spot. It would mean he was away from his family for at least a month, maybe more. He hadn't been away from Shepard and Kaila for that length of time, ever. And he sure as hell didn't want to do it now. At present it was a request but he could see down the line it becoming an order if he didn't consent. To top it all off, his transit had broken down and he'd had to walk the last 4 miles back to their apartment in the driving rain of a very unseasonal thunderstorm. _

_Right now, he wished he'd accepted Shepards offer of him skipping work for the day to look after an unwell Kaila. But she was already curled up sleeping on Shepard's lap and he didn't have the heart to move her so instead he went off to work leaving them both behind._

_He brushed the rain off his face as he dropped his bag by the door and toed off his boots, before heading to the bathroom for a towel. The house was unusually quiet and calm. He wondered into the living room still drying his hair and stopped dead in the doorway, a contented smile spreading across his face as he looked at his family. _

_Shepard was asleep on the sofa in sweats and one of his t-shirts with Kaila curled up next to her in her pyjamas. Her little fingers, as ever, were curled around her mothers hair. In that instant all the crap of the day simply fell away. He walked across the room and grabbed the throw off the back of the sofa, and draped it over his girls before sitting down on the coffee table to watch them peacefully sleep._

_Shepard opened her eyes slowly and smiled sleepily when she saw him. "Hey."_

"_Hi." He stared at her intently, an unasked question hanging on his lips._

"_What?"_

"_Let's make a baby."_

* * *

Shepard had been avoiding the subject ever since. Making the decision to bring a new life into the world with someone was always a big deal. It had been different with Kaila, she had not been planned... not by a long shot. She had not coped well at all with the surprise, so she was grateful when Reese didn't press her on the subject after her initial hesitation.

It's not like she hadn't been thinking about it since then, she had... constantly. But something in the back of her mind had been stopping her for saying yes. There was something there telling her not yet, telling her to wait a little longer. She knew what that something was, it was the tiny part of her that had clung to the hope that Kaidan would return. After Reese had dozed off that night, she had lain there properly thinking about it all for the first time. She disengaged her emotions and looked at it practically, looked at it as a soldier looked at a mission brief. It made no sense to cling to the hope anymore, the Normandy had been destroyed, it had been officially reported, no time for escape. He was never coming back. She'd had initially used the excuse of her career when he first asked but she knew full well, even back then, that wasn't why she hesitated. She knew the real reason was ludicrous and that night as she lay there she had tried to find a rational reason why she shouldn't have another child. A child with her husband who she loved, but she couldn't find one. There was no sane reason not to.

"And did you come to any conclusions about us trying to get pregnant?"

"I did."

"And?" He tried to keep his voice neutral but she could hear his emotions boiling just beneath the surface.

She swallowed audibly and tried to sound more confident in her decision than she felt. "Let's do it."

* * *

**31.07.2194 - Charon Relay - Arcturus - Arcturus Stream **

Kaidan let out an exasperated sigh as the panel he had been working on for twelve hours straight, burnt out again. In his frustration he yanked on the panel trying to free it from its housing before disconnecting the power supply, giving himself a rather nasty shock.

"SON OF A BITCH!" He jerked up on reflex and his head collided with the underside of the panel cover hard enough to make his eyes water.

He tentatively rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand as he rested back on his elbow, trying desperately to fight the urge to let fly a biotic punch into the mass of circuitry and wires.

He didn't know what was worse, seven long, hard years of uncertainty and doubt, not knowing if he would ever get back home. And if he did, not knowing if she'd be there to greet him or if he would have to mourn the loss of her all over again. Or, the past three days knowing she was there, she was alive, she was waiting like she promised and the only thing separating them from the rest of their lives was a sporadically working relay.

Those three days he was kept incredibly busy putting his considerable technical knowledge to good use on project Phoenix. Thanks in large part to him, the only thing now stopping the relay from fully firing and generating the colossal Mass field needed to sling a vessel across the galaxy, was this one goddamn panel that kept shorting, and he simply couldn't figure out why. Just one small bundle of wires, resisters, and diodes on a board no bigger than a datapad. It was maddening! He just wanted to get back home, he wanted a decent night's sleep, wanted a break, wanted her.

Adams had been giving him constant reports on the repair of the Normandy's systems. The engineering crew of the London had been a real help, they were able to assist in patching in a lot of tech they had salvaged and the vessel was almost fully functional.

"You look like you could use this." Humphrys handed Kaidan a steaming cup of coffee, crouching down beside him, eyeing the fuming Major warily.

Kaidan took the cup with a small curt nod. Things had been a little tense between the two officers for the past few days.

* * *

_Following Kaidan's initial briefing with Hackett aboard the London, he had returned to the Normandy and made his way straight for Liara's quarters, eager to hear what she had found out about Shepard. Liara had spent the past hour establishing a link via the London and was in the process of collecting everything she could get her hands on about the end of the War, but mostly about Shepard. She already had official Alliance reports which laid out the cold hard facts in the usual unemotional manner, but the data she was most interested in was a vid documentary simply entitled, 'The Shepard: Through the War and Beyond'. She was just about to select the file when Kaidan entered the room._

_"What do you have for me, Liara?"_

_Kaidan tried to keep his face neutral but his eyes gave him away. They were tinged with a look of pleading and desperation. _

_Liara turned back to her screen and with a broad sweep of her hand across the monitor in front of her, sent all the Alliance reports to Kaidan's omni-tool. He immediately opened the data and began to trawl through the files skimming the contents, looking for her name._

_"These are all the official reports I have been able to collect so far. They are all fairly clinical from )what I can tell, but I did find this." She tapped on the file in front of her and it filled the wall of screens in front of them. _

_Kaidan stared at the file before him, 'The Shepard'? Was that what they were calling her now? He could only imagine how much she was hating all this._

_Back on the SR1, the night after their mission to Noveria they had stayed up late in the mess hall, drinking coffee trying to dispel the chill that had seemed to seep right through to their very bones. They must have spent three hours huddled at the table chatting and refilling their cups. Kaidan had talked about the cold winters of Vancouver, his love and passion for his home town bringing a big, warm grin to his face, his eyes alive and glistening at the memory. He'd asked her if she'd seen much of the city. The last time she had been to Vancouver was back in 2176, two months after the Blitz, the day she was awarded the Star of Terra. She'd told him about the ceremony and the gala dinner afterwards, all the attention of fellow marines and, even worse, the media. She'd hated every last second of it. _

_'I just did my job, it could have been any other marine', she had protested, there was nothing special about her. She couldn't understand why suddenly people would want to see photo's of her at a party, or her on the street buying a goddamn hot dog, and she sure as hell couldn't understand why they suddenly wanted to know all about her past, her life on Mindoir, the raid, her career, even if she was dating and who! She'd hated that they had plastered her all over the recruitment ads, not even an accurate image either. _

_'They dragged me into this photo studio, caked me in makeup, stuck me into a dress uniform and tried to get me to keep the top three buttons undone to, and I quote, 'show a little cleavage'. When they tried to get me to let down my hair I kinda lost my shit. I swear Kaidan, I'd give anything, ANYTHING, to go back to being an unknown grunt. I am just not equipped to handle this kind of shit.'_

_And she was right; her interactions with Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani of Westerlund News had proved that one alright. He'd seen the vid of their 'meeting' on the Citadel when he had returned after his stint on Horizon. Even though at the time he was still angry at her for Cerberus and for not letting him know she was alive, he had still chuckled when she had punched al-Jalani square in the nose. He couldn't help but wonder how many journalists she had punched this time. Given that she almost single handedly, served the Reapers their asses on a plate and saved damn near every organic in the Galaxy form extinction, the media attention must have been rabid!_

_Liara tapped on her omni-tool and the file minimized into the bottom right screen as it downloaded, allowing her to continue her search for more data. She located a small cache of photographs and opened the file. In near synchronisation they both froze and hissed in deep breaths. The vid wall was filled with photographs of Shepard, mostly photo's of her directly after the War, battered, bruised, laying in the rubble, hooked up to machines in the hospital, her arms bandaged, her left side covered in angry purple bruises. Liara put her hand over her mouth trying to stifle a sob of anguish. Kaidan clenched his jaw, his lips pressed into a hard line, his brow furrowed. He stepped forward, his hand instinctively reaching for the screen before him, his eyes fixed on the image. As his fingers met the image of her face the screens flickered and one by one were filled with the standard exclamation mark within an angry red triangle._

_"What happened?" Kaidan asked, immediately bringing up his omni-tool and running a scan of the equipment._

_"We've lost the connection. Glyph, can you run a scan and identify the problem."_

_The white orb whirled into life and a stream of data scrolled across the screens to fast for the human eye to process._

_"Did you get that vid file downloaded?" Kaidan asked as he moved to stand behind her looking over her shoulder at terminal where she was frantically typing. Liara tapped a small icon at the bottom of the screen._

_"Only about 6%"_

_"Dr T'Soni," Glyph glided to her side and turned its spherical eye on Liara. "It appears the connection to the London's COM system has been severed."_

_"Can you re-establish the link?" she asked. Glyph processed for a moment._

_"Negative. The connection was severed by order of Captain Humphreys and a block has been set in place."_

_Liara glanced at Kaidan, his lips pressed together in a thin line as his eyes hardened. _

_"Can we bypass the block?" he asked the drone through gritted teeth._

_"Negative. It is beyond the capabilities of this unit."_

_Liara turned back to Kaidan just in time to see him walking resolutely out of the door._

_Kaidan practically punched the call button for the elevator. He was livid! What the hell was Humphrys playing at?_

_He stormed straight past a concerned looking Traynor, headed for the London._

_Kaidan spotted Humphrys across the other side of the galaxy map, deep in conversation with his Lieutenant, his back to the bridge. Kaidan marched over to him and grasped him almost painfully by the shoulders, forcing him round to face him._

_"A word in private, Captain." He let his anger and distain taint the use of the man's rank. Forcing as much authority as possible into those five words, Kaidan planted his hand firmly in the centre of Humphrys back and all but shoved him into the COM's room._

_Kaidan was usually a gentle and polite man, never one to pull rank or throw his weight around. He was calm and quietly strong, but these were unusual circumstances and his stress levels were through the roof. He was desperate for any news of Shepard and right now Humphrys was standing in his way. That was not a safe place to be._

_As soon as the COM room door closed Kaidan rounded on Humphrys, who instinctively took a step back under the Major's intense stare. Kaidan crossed his arms, his hands shaking with rage._

_"Something you want to tell me, Humphrys?"_

_"No, Sir." He replied sheepishly, "Is something wrong?"_

_"You tell me." Kaidan took another step forward and Humphrys retreated another in return. "Something wrong with your extranet connection?"_

_Humphrys shifted slightly, his eyes cast to the left. "We seem to be getting interference from the relays faulty systems. We're looking into it."_

_Kaidan smiled menacingly, "Want me to take a look? I'm a Sentinel after all, graduated top of my class in the academy. I know my way around tech."_

_"I... err... No, that's ok, we have our own specialists looking into it. I'm sure they will be able to resolve the issue."_

_Kaidan took another step forward, Humphrys followed suit but bumped into the console behind him, his retreat blocked._

_"It's no trouble at all. Let's have a quick look shall we?" Kaidan lent past Humphrys to access the panel just behind him. It pinged to life displaying the Alliance extranet portal. "Well what do you know. It seems to be working over here. Strange, huh?"_

_"They... er... must have fixed it?" _

_"Hmmmm." Kaidan opened his omni-tool and brought up the short range communication. "Joker?"_

_"Go ahead, Major."_

_"Are we able to re-establish our connection to the London's COM system?" His eyes never left Humphrys, who baulked under the cold unblinking gaze of the superior officer._

_"Negative. Want me to get Liara or Traynor to look into it?"_

_"I don't think that will be necessary. Thank you Joker."_

_Humphrys rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand. "I don't know what..."_

_Kaidan slammed his fist down on the console beside Humphrys, his eyes momentarily flashing a bright electric blue. "CUT THE BULL, HUMPHRYS! Disable the block and let us reconnect, that's an order." _

_"I'm sorry." He shook his head, "I'm truly sorry, but I can't do that, Major."_

_Kaidan crossed his arms once more and inclined his head, the anger seemed to roll of him in thick waves, it was almost physical, threatening to engulf Humphrys._

_"Are you disobeying an order from a senior officer, Captain?"_

_"No, Sir." Humphrys sighed and met Kaidan's blazing gaze. "I'm following orders from Alliance HQ, Sir."_

_Kaidan faltered. Someone had ordered this, ordered Humphrys to keep him in the dark. Why? What possible reason could they have? His mind reeled trying to process this. What were they trying to hide from him? _

_"Who issued the order?" He took a step back from Humphrys, giving the man some space._

_"Admiral Hackett. He asked to speak to me right after you left the London." Humphrys frowned and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sir."_

_Kaidan took a step back, angry as he was it was clear that Humphrys was in a bind, compelled to follow Hackett's orders when he clearly didn't agree. _

_Kaidan nodded once. "As you were." And with that Humphrys hurried out of the COM room and back to the CIC, leaving Kaidan alone in the dimly lit room, confused and angry._

* * *

Kaidan crawled out from under the console just enough to sit up comfortably, his back against the cold metal of the relay's core room, leaving a trail of wires and components in his wake. Once settled he sighed, sipped the hot drink and rolled his head on his shoulders feeling the tendons of his neck pop and strain.

He looked up at Humphrys apprehensive face. "Thank you, I could use the caffeine." he replied with a dramatic yawn as if to emphasize his point.

"That's what I figured. You look a little run down." Humphrys brushed aside some of the tech laid out on the floor and sat cross legged in front of Kaidan. "So how's it looking?"

Kaidan rolled his eyes and shook his head. "This panel will be the death of me."

He held up the small panel, freshly blackened by the short. "At first I thought it might be getting a power surge, but I just tested all the incoming supply feeds and they're fine." He frowned at the tech in his hands.

"Faulty component somewhere maybe?" Humphrys took the scorched panel from Kaidan and scratched the surface revealing small red lettering underneath the charred patch of metal. He twisted the component back and forth trying to read the text.

"What's a ...MLDC?"

Kaidan set the coffee cup down on the floor at his side. "It stands for Multiple link Delineation Conduit."

"Huh." Humphrys mused, "What does that mean?"

"Basically this component can link to numerous other MLDC's allowing a flow of..."

Kaidan fell silent, his brow furrowed as he lost himself in thought. Humphrys was about to ask if he was ok, when quick as a flash, Kaidan was scrabbling to his feet, sending his half full coffee cup flying as he clipped it with his foot. When he got to the door he was almost at a flat run. He clipped the shoulder of LT Sokol as he skimmed around her in the corridor. He grasped the young engineer's shoulder to steady her, apologized and took off again down the corridor.

He skidded to a halt in front of panel 32567c and undid the fastenings holding it in place, and swept his omni-tool across the linked MLDC's power factor correction unit. He waited patiently as the scan ran through a complete cycle, and when the results flashed up on his screen, he barked out a laugh. The inverter on the unit had a dead short due to the rectifier phase rotation being 1.2 pica seconds out of synchronisation; his insulation resistance test showed there was less than 1 ohm. He immediately went to work on his omni-tool making the necessary adjustments to get the unit back to functioning within the normal parameters.

When he returned to the core room his face was alive with excitement and hope.

"You fixed it, didn't you?" Humphrys said a smile spreading across his face.

"Maybe. Let's see shall we?"

Kaidan hastily replaced the burned out MLDC component with a fresh one and reinstalled it. After some last minute adjustments he turned to Humphrys. "Ready?"

Humphrys nodded and pressed his finger to his ear. "Lieutenant Marchese, begin relay ignition sequence."

"Yes, Sir. Firing up the drive core now, Sir."

Kaidan and Humphrys stood by the window overlooking the relay's massive drive core. The large sphere loomed over them in its dark, sealed room. With a slight shudder the core kicked into life, vibrating subtlety in it's housing surrounded by pulsing blue energy waves.

Kaidan brought up the energy readouts on the screen to his left. "Looking good so far. Energy readings are well within operational parameters."

"Marchese, let's try bringing her fully online."

"Aye, Sir"

The drive core gave another shudder and its pulsing increased. If it was going to burn out again it would be here. Kaidan's eyes flicked between the core and the energy levels flashing up on the screen. The levels had increased but were still well within the green. Suddenly the whole room seemed to lurch sending tools tumbling to the ground. Kaidan grabbed hold of the rail before him to keep himself upright and the room was filled with the sound of grinding metal. The sound was so intense it set his teeth on edge.

"Joker, do you have eyes on the relay? Did something hit us?" Kaidan asked as he stooped to help Humphrys back to his feet.

"Negative. It's the Gyros... They just kicked in."

Kaidan ran across the room to the main console and brought up a live schematic of the relay. Joker was right, for the first time since the beam hit the relay, they gyros were slowly grinding back into action.

Kaidan and the engineering crew stood by the console frantically making adjustments trying desperately to keep the sequence from stalling, watching the relay slowly come back to life. The giant wheels spinning ever faster. His heart was in his throat as he monitored the systems, this could well be it, they were so close now.

As the energy signals began to spike he began muttering under his breath.

"Come on. Please please please please. Keep it together."

Engineer Landers patched into the London's external cameras and the image flickered up on the main consoles holographic display. As they watched as the gyroscopic rings increase in speed, a faint blue light began to flicker in their core. It seemed as if the room collectively held its breath watching the flicker grow brighter and brighter until the element zero core was radiating a light so intense it was hard to look at.

Lieutenant Marchese's clearly excited voice crackled over the COM. "Ignition sequence complete! Readouts show the relay is now fully operational and functioning within accepted parameters, Sir."

The entire room erupted into whoops and cheers of excitement. Humphrys clapped Kaidan on the back, his smile beaming up at the superior officer.

"Let's hear it for Major Alenko!"

All eyes in the room fell to Kaidan as they simultaneously barked out a 'HOOOOOOOOOORAH!' and gave him a round of applause. He nodded modestly and turned to Humphrys, placing his hand on the man's shoulder.

"Why don't you call Earth, tell them the good news."

Humphrys nodded. "I'd be honoured if you'd join me, Sir."

Kaidan smiled and the two officers made their way through the appreciative crowd to the COM room. He planned on the Normandy being the first ship through the relay, and nobody was going to tell him otherwise.


End file.
